Toph wrote:DarrenUK wrote:Toph wrote:DarrenUK wrote:Is it the presidents job to give billions in handouts to oil companies ?
Or should they have to look after themselves with their quarterly profits ?
There go the old Dems talking points again...
To educate the ignorant...McCain's tax cuts affect ALL companies not just the oil companies. The way Obama and Biden sell it, is that the only companies getting tax cuts are the oil companies. This is blantantly a lie. But would do you expect out of those two? They've been lying nonstop for almost 2 years now (Obama).
Oh and by the way, the tax cuts going to business under the McCain plan are going to them because uhhhhh..... they employ the citizens of this country.
You mean the thousands who have lost their jobs this year ? ......... Exon Mobil received nearly 4 billion in tax breaks in 2002 and employed an extra 86 people ...... the tax paid by working class Americans went into CEO and other corrupt businessmans bank accounts ....... wake up for fucks sake
take your Euro-faggot Socialist crap and go back to England..
ermmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm No , Titusville WOW the redneck bastion of Florida, give me your address and I will send you some cowboy boots a flannel shirt and a six pack of Bud, but only if you play me a song on your banjo
Britain is Repossessing the United States of America.
To the Citizens of the United States of America :
In light of the possibility you are about to elect an elderly
gentleman with a bad temper and a lady who thinks she can run foreign
policy because she can see Russia from her house, as President and
President-In-Waiting of the USA and thus to risk Life As We Know It
for everyone else on the Planet, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas
, which she does not fancy). She won't actually be in charge, but
she'll greet foreign leaders as necessary and not put her foot in it
or vomit on anyone at dinner.
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for
America without the need for further elections. He will choose someone
who does not have his or her hand in the till and has significant
experience in running Big Things. You have not had one of them for
almost a decade and trust me, it is a big plus.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. They have given away too
much of your money already to rescue incompetent business executives
and soon your American Dollars will resemble Zimbabwean Dollars in
total worthlessness. There is no free lunch you know. Although we
originally let you get away with secession because King George was
robbing you blind, recent events demonstrate that your present leaders
are doing much worse things and unfortunately you have not noticed.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether more
than half of you still believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9-11.
Information to the contrary will again be provided by the rest of the
world and we request you read it this time and refrain from invading
the wrong country ever again if you possibly can.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will
be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and
'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without
skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the
suffix -ise.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You
will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. But we have a
lot of Bank Holidays you will enjoy instead.
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns
should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort
things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then
you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if
you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
we mean.
8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you
will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British
sense of humour.
9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline)-roughly $9/US gallon. Get used to it. Your driving
armoured cars to buy groceries is unnecessary, boorish and killing the
planet.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
11. We will require that people running things, like your government,
are at least moderately competent and not related by blood or bribes
to those who benefit from their decisions. We know it makes you more
cozy when your leaders know as little as you do, but, honestly, it is
short sighted: you need doctors who know more about medicine, pilots
who know more about flying and leaders who know more about leading.
12. We respectfully request you give up this notion that Politics is
Entertainment, and that very complicated things can only be explained
to you in less than fifteen seconds. If you wanted to have a
democracy, honestly, you'd really need to have taken the time to
understand things a bit more before you voted. And may I suggest the
startling notion that politicians don't need to look good to do a good
job? And it really is acceptable if they are a bit boring, so long as
they do their homework. It's especially important if evidently you
have not done yours. Poor old Al Gore. Poor old John Kerry. And by
the way, are you happy now you chose a Governor for California based
on his teeth?
13. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also
acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on
earth and it can only be due to the beer.
They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did
for them.
14. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English
dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to
having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
15. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash
you, like they regularly thrash us.
16. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a
world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will
learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first in
their country. The six out of ten of you who don't own a passport will
need to get one first.
17. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
18. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776). Although this will raise your taxes,
remember that the Neoconservatives will no longer be robbing you blind
and so your Dollars will stop shrinking. Didn't you know that
inflation and government bailouts of huge companies were really paid
for by you? We must do something about your educational system. What
on earth is going on over there? Are you oblivious to the crushing
debt you are leaving your children? You might as well throttle them
now.
19. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never
mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in
season.
God Save the Queen. But at least God won't instruct your President to
invade any more wrong countries.
Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 1:34 am
