OT: How To Request A Song From The Band

by **T-Bone** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 6:07 pm

How To Request A Song From The Band

When requesting a song from the band, just say "play .... my song!" We
have chips implanted in our heads with an
unlimited database of the favorite tunes of every patron who ever
walked into a bar and all* songs ever recorded so feel free to be
vague, we love the challenge.

If we say we really don't remember that tune you want, we're only
kidding. Bands do know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum
harder if need be... it helps jog the memory, or just repeat your
request over and over again.

If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they
either forgot they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try
singing a few words for the band. Any words will do.

It also helps to scream your request fro m across the room several times
per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!"
Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor
are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger
up Put-downs are the best way to jog a band's memory. This instantly
promotes you to the status of "Personal Friend Of The Band." You can
bet your request will be the next song we play.

Entertainers are notorious fakers and jokesters and never really
prepare for their shows.They simply walk on stage with no prior thought
to what they will do once they arrive. We don't actually make set lists
or rehearse songs. We mostly just wait for you to yell something out,
then fake it.

An entertainer's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so don't
let them off the hook easily. Your request is all that matters. Once
you've figured out what genre of music the band plays, please make your
reque sts from a totally different genre. The more exaggerated the
better. If its a blues band playing, yell for some Metallica or Slayer
or Pantera. Likewise, if its a death-speed metal band, be sure to
request Brown-eyed Girl or some Grateful Dead.
Musicians need to constantly broaden their musical horizons, and its
your job to see that it happens....immediately.

''TALKING WITH THE BAND''

The best time to discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way
is at the middle of a song when all band members are singing at the
same time. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny
voice from the
megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. And we can converse with
you in sign language while singing the song, so don't worry that we're
in the middle of the chorus.

Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a musician does not reply to
your question or comment during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to
scream your request and be sure to over emphasize the words with your
lips. This helps immensely. Don't be fooled.

Singers have the innate ability to answer questions and sing at the
same time. If the singer doesn't answer your questions immediately,
regardless of how stupid the question may seem,it's because they are
purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude.
We love this.

''IMPORTANT''

When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head
in both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their
head securely so they cannot pull away.This will be taken as an
invitation to a friendly and playful game of tug of war between their
head and your hands.Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or guitar
player submits. Drummers are often safe from this fun game since they
usually sit in the back, protected by the guitar players. Keyboard
players are protected by their instrument, and only play the game when
tricked into coming from behind their keyboards. Though difficult to
get them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying.
They're especially vulnerable during the break between songs.

''HELPING THE BAND''

If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will appreciate
your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain
standing on stage. If you're too drunk to stand unassisted, simply lean
on one of the band members or the most expensive piece of equipment you
see. Just pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply feel free to walk up
on stage and join in. By the way, the drunker you are, the better you
sound, and the louder you should sing. If by chance you fall off the
stage, be sure to crawl back up and attempt to sing harmony. Keep in
mind that nothing assists the band more than outrageous dancing, fifth
and sixth part harmonies,or a tambourine played on one and three and
out of tempo. Try the cowbell; they love the challenge.The band always
needs the help and will take this as a compliment.

Finally, the microphone and PA system are merely props, they don't
really amplify your voice, so when you grab the mic out of the singers
hand be sure to scream into it at the top of your lungs, otherwise no
one will hear what a great singer you are. Hearing is over-rated
anyhow. The crowd and the sound guy will love you for it.

''BONUS TIP''

As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on
stage and start playing their instruments.They love this. Even if you
are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact you have
successfully completed your audition. The band will call you
immediately the following day to offer you a position.

See you at the next gig....