MR

I was just thinking about some of the funny pick-up lines I've heard one of my old office partners use on women. I thought it might be funny to hear some of the one-liners or "pick-up" lines you've heard! I'll start with a couple...

1. Girl you must be exhausted.....cause you been runnin' through my mind all day!

2. I'm calling 911....cause you just stole my heart!

My buddy used to actually USE shit like this, and it just killed me. He did have some funny/cool bar tricks and magic tricks that he'd use in bars that I thought were pretty cool though. He was a damn comedian.

One of my coworkers always says this next line when she gets tired of my playful, yet adolescent teasing. She says to me:

"Jason, you're beyond having issues----you got a whole subscription!?" I think she's got a crush on me.

I found this in the web. It's not a one liner but I just think it's funny.

Me without you is like
A pot head who's not high
A plane that doesn't fly
A suicidal that doesnt die
A fat man with no boobs
A condom with no lube
A starcraft with no noobs
A hooker with no luck
A hoe that doesn't suck
A slut that doesn't f***
A shoe with no laces
A nerd without braces
Asentencewitoutspaces
A gay guy without style
S**t without a pile
A phone without a dial
A desk without a seat
Socks without feet
A heart missing its beat

JasonD wrote:One of my coworkers always says this next line when she gets tired of my playful, yet adolescent teasing. She says to me:

"Jason, you're beyond having issues----you got a whole subscription!?" I think she's got a crush on me.

She definitely wants to ride the balony pony. Take her to the Boom-boom room Ray!

Chubby321 wrote:I found this in the web. It's not a one liner but I just think it's funny.

Me without you is like
A pot head who's not high
A plane that doesn't fly
A suicidal that doesnt die
A fat man with no boobs
A condom with no lube
A starcraft with no noobs
A hooker with no luck
A hoe that doesn't suck
A slut that doesn't f***
A shoe with no laces
A nerd without braces
Asentencewitoutspaces
A gay guy without style
S**t without a pile
A phone without a dial
A desk without a seat
Socks without feet
A heart missing its beat

Way to copy and pace Chubby! These are pretty funny though. I'll give you a B- for the effort. Now tell me one you've actually heard/used!

G.I.Jim wrote:

Chubby321 wrote:I found this in the web. It's not a one liner but I just think it's funny.

Me without you is like
A pot head who's not high
A plane that doesn't fly
A suicidal that doesnt die
A fat man with no boobs
A condom with no lube
A starcraft with no noobs
A hooker with no luck
A hoe that doesn't suck
A slut that doesn't f***
A shoe with no laces
A nerd without braces
Asentencewitoutspaces
A gay guy without style
S**t without a pile
A phone without a dial
A desk without a seat
Socks without feet
A heart missing its beat

Way to copy and pace Chubby! These are pretty funny though. I'll give you a B- for the effort. Now tell me one you've actually heard/used!

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to tell you how I really feel. (also from the web )


Excuse me, I lost my number, can I have yours?

Chubby321 wrote:

G.I.Jim wrote:

Chubby321 wrote:I found this in the web. It's not a one liner but I just think it's funny.

Me without you is like
A pot head who's not high
A plane that doesn't fly
A suicidal that doesnt die
A fat man with no boobs
A condom with no lube
A starcraft with no noobs
A hooker with no luck
A hoe that doesn't suck
A slut that doesn't f***
A shoe with no laces
A nerd without braces
Asentencewitoutspaces
A gay guy without style
S**t without a pile
A phone without a dial
A desk without a seat
Socks without feet
A heart missing its beat

Way to copy and pace Chubby! These are pretty funny though. I'll give you a B- for the effort. Now tell me one you've actually heard/used!

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to tell you how I really feel. (also from the web )


Excuse me, I lost my number, can I have yours?

I like your last line. I've heard that one before, and it's still funny.

I hope you don't mind, I'm on a roll today...all from the web...

If looks could kill, You would be a weapon of mass destruction.

If you ever want to see a man cry..Put a beer in one hand and a naked woman in the other..And..MAKE HIM CHOOSE!

Don't stick your tongue out at me, unless you intend to use it.

Procrastination is like masturbation...it feels great until you realize you f***ed yourself

G.I.Jim wrote:1. Girl you must be exhausted.....cause you been runnin' through my mind all day!

Here's a good followup:

"Girl, your lips must be hurting, because you've been giving me a BJ in my mind all day!"

Chubby321 wrote:I hope you don't mind, I'm on a roll today...all from the web...

If looks could kill, You would be a weapon of mass destruction.

If you ever want to see a man cry..Put a beer in one hand and a naked woman in the other..And..MAKE HIM CHOOSE!

Don't stick your tongue out at me, unless you intend to use it.

Procrastination is like masturbation...it feels great until you realize you f***ed yourself

Alright...I guess you get an "A" now, because those were Hilarious!

Excuse me, I lost my number, can I have yours?

This is along the same line: The next time you're being questioned & someone asks, "Can I have your name? you reply, "Then what am I gonna use?"

Since you gave me an A, I have a few more for you ....I promise this will be the last....

Please don't interrupt me while i'm ignoring you.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I cant play stupid with you, you're too good at it.

A diplomatic husband said to his wife, " HOw do u expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older? "

When I was born Devil said...Oh S**t!!! Another GOD!!!..& When you were born devil said ...Oh S**t!!!!Competition...!!! ....

i don't need a instruction manual, i am perfectly capable of screwing it up myself

OK BACK TO THE TOPIC

JasonD wrote:

Excuse me, I lost my number, can I have yours?

This is along the same line: The next time you're being questioned & someone asks, "Can I have your name? you reply, "Then what am I gonna use?"

Nice

Chubby321 wrote:

JasonD wrote:

Excuse me, I lost my number, can I have yours?

This is along the same line: The next time you're being questioned & someone asks, "Can I have your name? you reply, "Then what am I gonna use?"

Nice

Thanks for the laughs guys.

G.I.Jim wrote:

Chubby321 wrote:

JasonD wrote:

Excuse me, I lost my number, can I have yours?

This is along the same line: The next time you're being questioned & someone asks, "Can I have your name? you reply, "Then what am I gonna use?"

Nice

Thanks for the laughs guys.

Happy Birthday !!

Chubby321 wrote:

G.I.Jim wrote:

Chubby321 wrote:

JasonD wrote:

Excuse me, I lost my number, can I have yours?

This is along the same line: The next time you're being questioned & someone asks, "Can I have your name? you reply, "Then what am I gonna use?"

Nice

Thanks for the laughs guys.

Happy Birthday !!

Thanks! I appreciate it. You just gave me an idea for a new thread...thanks!

I had two girls so close to coming home with me tonight.. if only i'd use these lines before..maybe these kleenex would not be needed.

youkeepmewaiting wrote:I had two girls so close to coming home with me tonight.. if only i'd use these lines before..maybe these kleenex would not be needed.

I am laughing like hell at that post! That was hilarious.

That outfit is very becoming on you... If I were on you, I'd be cumming too...

T-Bone wrote:That outfit is very becoming on you... If I were on you, I'd be cumming too...

"Do you have any Rykbost in you? Would you like any?

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:I had two girls so close to coming home with me tonight.. if only i'd use these lines before..maybe these kleenex would not be needed.

I am laughing like hell at that post! That was hilarious.

At least youn are laughing... I'm gutted...

youkeepmewaiting wrote:

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:I had two girls so close to coming home with me tonight.. if only i'd use these lines before..maybe these kleenex would not be needed.

I am laughing like hell at that post! That was hilarious.

At least youn are laughing... I'm gutted...

Charlie Murphy calls it "Ball Collapse" I can't access Youtube right now, but PLEASE google that, and post it on here for me. THAT is hilarious!

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:I had two girls so close to coming home with me tonight.. if only i'd use these lines before..maybe these kleenex would not be needed.

I am laughing like hell at that post! That was hilarious.

At least youn are laughing... I'm gutted...

Charlie Murphy calls it "Ball Collapse" I can't access Youtube right now, but PLEASE google that, and post it on here for me. THAT is hilarious!

at the end of the night , there was two girls that I could have gone for... and just my look I went for the one who had a boyfriend... I still got her number (of course) but I doubt it will come too much.. damn

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:I had two girls so close to coming home with me tonight.. if only i'd use these lines before..maybe these kleenex would not be needed.

I am laughing like hell at that post! That was hilarious.

At least youn are laughing... I'm gutted...

Charlie Murphy calls it "Ball Collapse" I can't access Youtube right now, but PLEASE google that, and post it on here for me. THAT is hilarious!

Ball Collapse


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnQmcvNpnmM

youkeepmewaiting wrote:

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:I had two girls so close to coming home with me tonight.. if only i'd use these lines before..maybe these kleenex would not be needed.

I am laughing like hell at that post! That was hilarious.

At least youn are laughing... I'm gutted...

Charlie Murphy calls it "Ball Collapse" I can't access Youtube right now, but PLEASE google that, and post it on here for me. THAT is hilarious!

at the end of the night , there was two girls that I could have gone for... and just my look I went for the one who had a boyfriend... I still got her number (of course) but I doubt it will come too much.. damn

That sucks. Now how about that link damnit??? I'm serious. Google Charlie Murphy ball collapse, and I guarantee there's a video of it somewhere. I saw him years ago, and he was freaking hilarious!!!

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:

G.I.Jim wrote:

youkeepmewaiting wrote:I had two girls so close to coming home with me tonight.. if only i'd use these lines before..maybe these kleenex would not be needed.

I am laughing like hell at that post! That was hilarious.

At least youn are laughing... I'm gutted...

Charlie Murphy calls it "Ball Collapse" I can't access Youtube right now, but PLEASE google that, and post it on here for me. THAT is hilarious!

at the end of the night , there was two girls that I could have gone for... and just my look I went for the one who had a boyfriend... I still got her number (of course) but I doubt it will come too much.. damn

That sucks. Now how about that link damnit??? I'm serious. Google Charlie Murphy ball collapse, and I guarantee there's a video of it somewhere. I saw him years ago, and he was freaking hilarious!!!

Oh Jim of little faith .. look behhhhind you . Very entertaining.

youkeepmewaiting wrote:I had two girls so close to coming home with me tonight.. if only i'd use these lines before..maybe these kleenex would not be needed.

Thank God you only needed Kleenex. You ain't gotta worry until you hafta break out the Sham Wow.

The Chippendales used to have contests to see who could pull with the worst chat-up line.

One of them got a bird with "Hey baby, fancy coming back to mine for a Cucumber sandhich?"

Here's an OLD one:

"You have beautiful legs. What time do they open?"

DavidC wrote:Here's an OLD one:

"You have beautiful legs. What time do they open?"