MR

I really lost a great deal of respect for my new sister in law when I witnessed how she treats waitstaff......
what's with the rudeness? Its difficult to know how to tell someone to knock it off when they do this......

I guess it depends on what she's doing... examples?

I figure if she's just randomly being rude you could say something like "is there a reason you're being that way with this person?" Maybe she has a reason? Or at least thinks she does? Lol.

SteveForever wrote:I really lost a great deal of respect for my new sister in law when I witnessed how she treats waitstaff......
what's with the rudeness? Its difficult to know how to tell someone to knock it off when they do this......

Did the server do anything to deserve it?

It takes a lot for me to be rude to a server, (you know they spit?), but being rude for no reason is wrong and you should have called the sister-in-law out.

Yeah, I'm always extra polite to service workers. It's a hard job. I start my tip at 20% and it takes a lot to even bring me down to 15%, and I always say "please," "thank you" and frame requests for refills with a "when you get a minute..."

Even outside the service worker context, there's just no reason for taking out your own problems on a stranger, whether it be a waiter or some random guy on the street that says hello to you. I'm always cordial even when I'm not having the best day.

The Straight Dope....lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enJwYaeolXc

She's obviously never seen the movie Waiting

Gratuitous rudeness to waiters is my favorite advice columnist Carolyn Hax's ( http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 00881.html
) litmus test for whether or not a person is likely to be bully in other areas of life also.

Her theory is that how a person treats others they perceive to be low status or less powerful in what they think are low-stakes situations offers insight into basic character.

This is not the same thing as speaking up politely when the service is truly poor.

And, yeah, I'm more and more inclined to speak up when people I'm with, family members or not, behave like jerks for no discernable reason.

Plus I've been a waiter. And bartender. And hotel van driver.

I've never, ever been rude to someone in the job of waiting tables.
I've never done it but can tell it's not easy and being the klutz I
am I'd be horrible at it anyhow lol.

My sister's father in law is always rude to wait staff/servers (whatever the politically correct term is these days). He will always make it a point to only ask for one thing at a time when he really has a whole list of requests and will always complain that his order isn't correct when it is. She has caught on to this so she has started the practice of getting up to go to the "restroom" right after they order when they are with him. She will locate the server and apologize in advance for his behavior-she will then give them a list of things that she's pretty sure he'll ask for-since he'd ask for them one at a time the server can be prepared and bring them all to the table to begin with. She will also tell them to just plan to bring a drink refill each time they pass the table and she also tips them GENEROUSLY before the meal since her father in law usually pays almost never leaves a tip and if he does it's very, very small.

Ehwmatt wrote:Yeah, I'm always extra polite to service workers. It's a hard job. I start my tip at 20% and it takes a lot to even bring me down to 15%, and I always say "please," "thank you" and frame requests for refills with a "when you get a minute..."

Even outside the service worker context, there's just no reason for taking out your own problems on a stranger, whether it be a waiter or some random guy on the street that says hello to you. I'm always cordial even when I'm not having the best day.

I'm pretty much the same way, and totally agree on tipping. Doing a 20% calculation in the head is extremely easy, and I add on if they are fantastic. It embarrasses the heck out of me when someone in my party gives a waiter a difficult time, and I've "apologized" by leaving a much larger than normal tip on many occasions.

I don't get why some people are habitually rude to waitstaff. Some act like they are commanding servants around or something. If they can't be nice from their heart, I'd hope they'd at least do it for fear of having their food sabotaged in revenge. I'm sure we've all heard some horror stories about that and it does happen.

DrFU wrote:Gratuitous rudeness to waiters is my favorite advice columnist Carolyn Hax's ( http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 00881.html
) litmus test for whether or not a person is likely to be bully in other areas of life also.

Her theory is that how a person treats others they perceive to be low status or less powerful in what they think are low-stakes situations offers insight into basic character.

Totally agree, and love the depth of insight on this.

TRAGChick wrote:Oh GOOD LORD do I have a story for YOU!

Back in the late 90s, I was a Waitress at a Night-Club in Danbury, CT called "Boppers".
It was a "theme club" where the Waitresses had to dress up as Cheerleaders.

We also had to entertain the audience with lip-synching and doing dance routines to certain songs....

So ANYway:

I'll NEVER forget this.....I had a full table of like 15 people......they were already partying up and were pretty wasted by the time I got to them....
In all, they ordered what came to be $25.50 in drinks.

The guy GAVE ME $26.00 and said, "THANK YOU".



I got them their stupid drinks CORRECTLY AND ON TIME.....in less than 10 minutes!

I refused to wait on them for the rest of the night, and almost got FIRED because I screamed my head off at my Boss when I told her what happened.

I can appreciate your frustration, but sorry Nora, gotta disagree with your last sentence. Tipping technically is optional and at the sole discretion of the customer whether or not to even give it. Although it's pretty much understood that you always tip, it's actually a bonus above and beyond normal payment. So refusing to wait on them as well as screaming at your boss were both grounds for termination and you were actually lucky that you had an understanding boss that didn't fire you. For the record, I always tip at least 20%.

KenTheDude wrote:

TRAGChick wrote:Oh GOOD LORD do I have a story for YOU!

Back in the late 90s, I was a Waitress at a Night-Club in Danbury, CT called "Boppers".
It was a "theme club" where the Waitresses had to dress up as Cheerleaders.

We also had to entertain the audience with lip-synching and doing dance routines to certain songs....

So ANYway:

I'll NEVER forget this.....I had a full table of like 15 people......they were already partying up and were pretty wasted by the time I got to them....
In all, they ordered what came to be $25.50 in drinks.

The guy GAVE ME $26.00 and said, "THANK YOU".



I got them their stupid drinks CORRECTLY AND ON TIME.....in less than 10 minutes!

I refused to wait on them for the rest of the night, and almost got FIRED because I screamed my head off at my Boss when I told her what happened.

I can appreciate your frustration, but sorry Nora, gotta disagree with your last sentence. Tipping technically is optional and at the sole discretion of the customer whether or not to even give it. Although it's pretty much understood that you always tip, it's actually a bonus above and beyond normal payment. So refusing to wait on them as well as screaming at your boss were both grounds for termination and you were actually lucky that you had an understanding boss that didn't fire you. For the record, I always tip at least 20%.

But the boss could implement an automatic gratuity policy for large tables. I think those were invented to prevent situations like that.

KenTheDude wrote:

TRAGChick wrote:Oh GOOD LORD do I have a story for YOU!

Back in the late 90s, I was a Waitress at a Night-Club in Danbury, CT called "Boppers".
It was a "theme club" where the Waitresses had to dress up as Cheerleaders.

We also had to entertain the audience with lip-synching and doing dance routines to certain songs....

So ANYway:

I'll NEVER forget this.....I had a full table of like 15 people......they were already partying up and were pretty wasted by the time I got to them....
In all, they ordered what came to be $25.50 in drinks.

The guy GAVE ME $26.00 and said, "THANK YOU".



I got them their stupid drinks CORRECTLY AND ON TIME.....in less than 10 minutes!

I refused to wait on them for the rest of the night, and almost got FIRED because I screamed my head off at my Boss when I told her what happened.

I can appreciate your frustration, but sorry Nora, gotta disagree with your last sentence. Tipping technically is optional and at the sole discretion of the customer whether or not to even give it. Although it's pretty much understood that you always tip, it's actually a bonus above and beyond normal payment. So refusing to wait on them as well as screaming at your boss were both grounds for termination and you were actually lucky that you had an understanding boss that didn't fire you. For the record, I always tip at least 20%.

Nora, sorry to say, but you were in the wrong just as much as they were. That's unprofessional.

But Ken, tipping is really not optional in America dude. They pay you like $3/hr. You're not getting a "bonus" from a tip, you're getting a living wage.

Ehwmatt wrote:

KenTheDude wrote:

TRAGChick wrote:Oh GOOD LORD do I have a story for YOU!

Back in the late 90s, I was a Waitress at a Night-Club in Danbury, CT called "Boppers".
It was a "theme club" where the Waitresses had to dress up as Cheerleaders.

We also had to entertain the audience with lip-synching and doing dance routines to certain songs....

So ANYway:

I'll NEVER forget this.....I had a full table of like 15 people......they were already partying up and were pretty wasted by the time I got to them....
In all, they ordered what came to be $25.50 in drinks.

The guy GAVE ME $26.00 and said, "THANK YOU".



I got them their stupid drinks CORRECTLY AND ON TIME.....in less than 10 minutes!

I refused to wait on them for the rest of the night, and almost got FIRED because I screamed my head off at my Boss when I told her what happened.

I can appreciate your frustration, but sorry Nora, gotta disagree with your last sentence. Tipping technically is optional and at the sole discretion of the customer whether or not to even give it. Although it's pretty much understood that you always tip, it's actually a bonus above and beyond normal payment. So refusing to wait on them as well as screaming at your boss were both grounds for termination and you were actually lucky that you had an understanding boss that didn't fire you. For the record, I always tip at least 20%.

Nora, sorry to say, but you were in the wrong just as much as they were. That's unprofessional.

But Ken, tipping is really not optional in America dude. They pay you like $3/hr. You're not getting a "bonus" from a tip, you're getting a living wage.

I agree with you Matt. But [i]technically[i] it is optional. Otherwise, why not pay waitstaff a normal wage in the first place. I do ALWAYS tip, but I'm just getting technical about it.

This is how businesses make more money....by paying 2-3 dollars an hour while making the consumer pay the remainder of the salary....

Coming from someone whose parents are bartenders.....Both my parents don't make that much an hour (it's more than $3/hour but not much), I always make sure to tip, even if the service wasn't as good. The only time I didn't tip (and there were only one or two occasions this happened) is when the service was truly aweful



Robin

Ehwmatt wrote:Yeah, I'm always extra polite to service workers. It's a hard job. I start my tip at 20% and it takes a lot to even bring me down to 15%, and I always say "please," "thank you" and frame requests for refills with a "when you get a minute..."

Even outside the service worker context, there's just no reason for taking out your own problems on a stranger, whether it be a waiter or some random guy on the street that says hello to you. I'm always cordial even when I'm not having the best day.

Matt, I'm kinda crushin' on ya now. LOL

TRAGChick wrote:Oh GOOD LORD do I have a story for YOU!

Back in the late 90s, I was a Waitress at a Night-Club in Danbury, CT called "Boppers".
It was a "theme club" where the Waitresses had to dress up as Cheerleaders.

We also had to entertain the audience with lip-synching and doing dance routines to certain songs....

So ANYway:

I'll NEVER forget this.....I had a full table of like 15 people......they were already partying up and were pretty wasted by the time I got to them....
In all, they ordered what came to be $25.50 in drinks.

The guy GAVE ME $26.00 and said, "THANK YOU".



I got them their stupid drinks CORRECTLY AND ON TIME.....in less than 10 minutes!

I refused to wait on them for the rest of the night, and almost got FIRED because I screamed my head off at my Boss when I told her what happened.

I waited tables for a long time too and have a million stories, but here's the funniest, IMNSHO. LOL

I was walking through the dining room one evening and a horrible high pitched screeching noise suddenly rang out from the kitchen. A lady stopped me and said, "waiter, what is that noise?. I didn't skip a beat and said, "tomorrow's fresh catch". LOL

It was actually a metal cart that held drinking glasses. It had lost a wheel and someone was dragging it across the floor.

S2M wrote:This is how businesses make more money....by paying 2-3 dollars an hour while making the consumer pay the remainder of the salary....

We went to Australia a few years ago and didn't realize that their servers made minimum wage and then some. We were tipping like crazy, like we do in America and getting the strangest looks. Finally one of our Australian friends told us, they don't tip over there, they simply make the money they're supposed to.

When I waited tables we made 2:13 an hour. I worked near a college campus, so money was pretty good. I found that the majority of people who didn't tip were women and when they gathered at a table for a lunch of soup and salad, you might as well be serving them for free.

DrFU wrote:Gratuitous rudeness to waiters is my favorite advice columnist Carolyn Hax's ( http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 00881.html
) litmus test for whether or not a person is likely to be bully in other areas of life also.

Her theory is that how a person treats others they perceive to be low status or less powerful in what they think are low-stakes situations offers insight into basic character.

This is not the same thing as speaking up politely when the service is truly poor.

And, yeah, I'm more and more inclined to speak up when people I'm with, family members or not, behave like jerks for no discernable reason.

Plus I've been a waiter. And bartender. And hotel van driver.

Wow, what a great read! I agree this sister in law of mine is showing signs of being a bully in other areas for sure!

T-Bone wrote:She's obviously never seen the movie Waiting

eww this looks good, I'm going to order it off of Netflix, thanks!

SteveForever wrote:

T-Bone wrote:She's obviously never seen the movie Waiting

eww this looks good, I'm going to order it off of Netflix, thanks!

I just did the same. Also see that there was a sequel in 2009 called Still Waiting. Added that as well.

I rarely dine out, but when I do I'm usually very friendly with waitstaff. I work in retail myself and so I know what it's like to deal with rude customers. I've only twice ever left less tip for poor service.

I think I have some of the worst waiter/tress stories ever... Rhiannon can back most of them up, too We always seem to get the "derp derp!" servers, and she swears this never happens when she isn't with me. I must be a magnet for the astronomically stupid.

The best was the time that she and I and another friend of ours were at Chili's... long story short, this waitress was so bad - one thing after another, and finally Rhiannon had been waiting for a very inappropriate amount of time for something - a side of ranch dressing or something like that.... that she ended up marching INTO THE KITCHEN (which is the whole reason for telling this story - it was SO funny!) where of course someone (manager if I recall right) asked if they could help her... I only hope the fact that the customer got so fed up they had to go into the kitchen on their own was a hint for them.

Then, there was about a month or so ago at Cracker Barrel... the server comes to ask if she can take the plates out of our way.... less than 10 minutes after we got our food. My plate was still 50% full. She returned, I'm not kidding, less than 5 minutes later and asked if we wanted to-go boxes... Um, can I finish eating please?!??! DERP!

The Chili's waitress above was not tipped well. It was one thing on top of another. If the service is poor, I will cut the tip down, yeah, but it takes a lot for me to not tip at all. I've done it, but I can only think of a couple times where it was bad enough to give them nothing.

I work in the deli section of a grocery store. You wouldn't believe how some of the people treat us.

I turn and look them dead in their eyes and say "No Diva moment in here"! And we can usually can go in and have fun without a mishap. It embarasses me and I hate to be embarassed!

KenTheDude wrote:

TRAGChick wrote:Oh GOOD LORD do I have a story for YOU!

Back in the late 90s, I was a Waitress at a Night-Club in Danbury, CT called "Boppers".
It was a "theme club" where the Waitresses had to dress up as Cheerleaders.

We also had to entertain the audience with lip-synching and doing dance routines to certain songs....

So ANYway:

I'll NEVER forget this.....I had a full table of like 15 people......they were already partying up and were pretty wasted by the time I got to them....
In all, they ordered what came to be $25.50 in drinks.

The guy GAVE ME $26.00 and said, "THANK YOU".



I got them their stupid drinks CORRECTLY AND ON TIME.....in less than 10 minutes!

I refused to wait on them for the rest of the night, and almost got FIRED because I screamed my head off at my Boss when I told her what happened.

I can appreciate your frustration, but sorry Nora, gotta disagree with your last sentence. Tipping technically is optional and at the sole discretion of the customer whether or not to even give it. Although it's pretty much understood that you always tip, it's actually a bonus above and beyond normal payment. So refusing to wait on them as well as screaming at your boss were both grounds for termination and you were actually lucky that you had an understanding boss that didn't fire you. For the record, I always tip at least 20%.

Well, yeah.....looking back, 13 or so years, I WAS in the wrong....I was a totally different person back then - for the worse.

I hate when the teachers and I leave to go from a restaurant, and I leave a 5$ tip, and they leave 50cents, a dollar, and I know they had an expensive meal, embarrasses me to no end!