Blue Collar Kid

[Ash]

I made this video last night. I'm putting together some home movies with music for family. Thought you all would get a kick out of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iHkvTzznO8

Some of it is synched to the music... like the ending

[Zan]

Excellent! I loved the beginning when she wheeled the wheelbarrow all the way over to the second dirt pile to dump like a teaspoon of dirt. LOL! Kids rock.

[ek88]

Is that some footage of Tommy when he first joined the band?

[gr8dane]

Nice one Ash.
Kids are lovely.Such determination.She putting up a new garage?

[piecesofeight]

Is that some footage of Tommy when he first joined the band?

[Ash]

No but my one nephew was a DEAD RINGER for a young tommy shaw when he had long hair.

That picture was taken a few years back when my daughter was helping me with a landscaping project. Did you notice the size of the dirt pile? I moved about 85% of it by myself. I was looking sweet that summer.

[Ash]

Would anyone mind if I posted a rant about my ex wife? I really need to frogblast the vent-core on something she did to me this weekend.

[bugsymalone]

She is a real cutie, Ash!!! So industrious. Send her over to my place. I need some dirt moved around, too!

Bugsy

[styxfanNH]

Would anyone mind if I posted a rant about my ex wife? I really need to frogblast the vent-core on something she did to me this weekend.

EVeryone rants around here. Why should we tell you you can't?

[Zan]

Rant away.

[Ash]

Well we knew it couldn't last. The cordiality that had existed between my ex and I has failed again - and this time I think I <b>REALLY</b> am done with her. I'm so completely offended by her words and actions tonight - but I shouldn't be surprised. One of these days I am going to get it through my thick skull that she can never be trusted to be anything more than the parasite that she is.

This is my weekend to have Laura - which means I have her Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. Because of this, my ex is having her 28 year old out-of-state boyfriend in town for the weekend. Her life - she can do what she wants and who she wants (and I might add, she frequently does with an astonishing rate of boyfriend turn-over). But tonight I had a work emergency. Our primary load balancer at our data center had a critical hard drive failure and I'm the only one with a key to the data center which I happened to have with my gear which I brought home for the weekend.

Well, with Laura here - I can't just leave. And I can't wake her up and take her to Nashville. I mean, I could if it were life or death and I had to get it done, but it would be ugly. So knowing my ex was awake awaiting the arrival of her company, I called to ask if she would be willing to come and just sit here for the 90 minutes it would take for me to run to Nashville, fix the load balancer (or in this case replace it) and return home.

About 15 minutes later I get this phone call - and it's her saying she wants me to leave the apartment before she comes up and that she'll go in once I am gone. I ask why and she proceeds to tell me that she's suspicious of me and she doesn't feel safe coming up to the apartment and being in the same room with me. Needless to say - this hit me like a ton of bricks. This is the woman I spent 10 years with and had a child with - who never has a problem asking me for money, or for favors or for anything else she is too helpless to do for herself. But suddenly when I need a bail out she's not safe? What the hell is THAT all about.

So I told her to not come up, to just go home and I'd find an alternative. A co-worker of mine came down, got my gear and went and I talked him through the necessary steps. But I could have had it done in half the time if she had honored the one thing I asked her to do in the entire time since we've been divorced.

Earlier, I sent her this email:

Paula;

I cannot honestly believe you had the nerve to say that to me. To somehow accuse me of trying to do something underhanded with my daughter in the apartment says more about what you think of me than anything you have ever done or said in the past.

Don't worry about ever asking me for anything again - because the answer is no. You have been asking me for things for you as long as we've been being nice to each other of late and the one time I need your help to bail me out of an emergency that affects my job you have the unmitigated audacity to think I'm going to somehow harm you. I don't need this and I don't need you any longer.

Thanks to you, my boss is coming to my place to get my gear so he can go back to work to do my job. Thats great. And my performance evaluation is in 10 days. I really appreciate that. I was a fool to think you would ever be there for me. You weren't when we were married and you're not now. All you have ever done is used the crap out of me for whatever you could get and then discard me when it was inconvenient.

At this point, knowing how you feel I think it's best we keep communications strictly related to Laura.

I have nothing further to say to you.

MRB

[bugsymalone]

So sorry to hear about this, Ash. Mundane advice, I know, but all I can say is keep on keeping on. You have a beautiful daughter. She is your priority in that situation and, as your video proves, brings you great joy in life.


Bugsy

[styxfanNH]

Ash,

Wish things could have been different for you. Being divorced myself with a nonsupportive ex, I can certainly feel for you. I would just say this for you. Be careful of what you put in print, either in a BB like this or in an email. If it ever goes back to court at any point, it could come back to bite you. Also, if you choose to send an email, be sure to state what the request was and her response. It puts the whole thing into context if you ever get called on it.

Life sucks and so does divorce when kids are involved. It makes you wonder at times what were you thinking when you made the decision to get married. I've been divorced now 10 years, and the best communication I have with my ex is when I send her a letter.

Cherish the time you have with Laura and while not the best option, take her in with you. My kids regardless of what age they were, were always happy to go to work with me, even at crazy times like the one you described. They slept a little longer when we got home, but the most important thing to them was time with me. I am sure Laura is the same way. Kids are much more resilliant than we give them credit for. They adjust to changes in schedules much better than we do.

Mark

[Zan]

Dude. How very suck. All I can say is that divorce brings out the best in people. ALL people. This too shall pass, I can say for sure. I can't say for sure if you & your ex will ever be on friendly terms again, but I can say that it will get easier to deal with each other as time goes by. Right now, everyone's emotions are high and on edge. She sounds a bit irrational right now, but that happens sometimes - you never know who has her ear, who's planting what kind of ideas into her head (not that this is an excuse, but it is a possible reason). For your own sanity, I'd try to give her the benefit of the doubt as often as possible (meaning, don't fly off the handle, stay calm, accept that she's not herself yet either) and above all, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER as best you can.

I know that all sounds stupidly obvious, but when a divorce is so fresh, sometimes logic and reason falls second to emotion and knee-jerk reaction.

You WILL be OK and it WILL get easier. I promise.