OT----GREAT ARTICLE ON DOGS...

[lights1961]

Scientists develop computer that can 'translate' a dog's bark
Last updated at 10:37am on 16th January 2008

Comments (3)

What would a dog say if it could talk? "Stranger", "fight", "walk", "alone", "ball" and "play", according to scientists who have developed a computer programme to translate dog barks.

The special programme analysed more than 6,000 barks from 14 Hungarian sheepdogs in six different situations.

In a series of tests the team of scientists, from Eötvös Loránd University in Hungary led by Csaba Molnár, discovered that a computer could recognise whether a dog was in a stranger, fight, walk, alone, ball or play scenario.

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Computer can tell what kind of situation a dog is in by how it barks

The barks were tape recorded and then digitized on a computer, which used software to study their differences.

The computer correctly identified the different situations 43 per cent of the time. Although it was not a high success rate it was far better than human recognition, the researchers said.

The computer was most accurate in identifying the "fight" and "stranger" contexts, and was least effective at matching the "play" bark.

The results appear in the journal Animal Cognition, and suggest that dogs have acoustically different barks depending on their emotional state.

The researchers also performed a second test, in which the computer identified individual dogs by their bark.

The software correctly identified the dogs 52 per cent of the time, again much better than the human result, suggesting there are individual differences in barks even though humans are not able to recognize them.

The team also plans to compare the barks of different breeds to discover what they have in common.


for some reason this was funny to me!!!

roof roof roof roof... damn this food sucks...

[Saint John]

Who gives a shit. They need a computer program to decipher what the fuck women are saying. They never say what they mean. Example: Man- "Hey, I wanna go out and get shit faced with the guys, hit a few bars and maybe blow a few dollars at the casino." Woman- "Fine, if that's what you want to do go ahead." Man- "And it's okay with you?" Woman- "Yeah, sure, go ahead...I'll just sit here by myself." Man- "Bye!!!" Then of course a few hours later you have to put up with crying, screaming and the usual theatrics/histrionics. Dogs are much smarter than women so it shouldn't be to hard to make the program I'm requesting.

[Red13JoePa]

How long until the first Pineda joke?

[bluejeangirl76]

Who gives a shit. They need a computer program to decipher what the fuck women are saying. They never say what they mean. Example: Man- "Hey, I wanna go out and get shit faced with the guys, hit a few bars and maybe blow a few dollars at the casino." Woman- "Fine, if that's what you want to do go ahead." Man- "And it's okay with you?" Woman- "Yeah, sure, go ahead...I'll just sit here by myself." Man- "Bye!!!" Then of course a few hours later you have to put up with crying, screaming and the usual theatrics/histrionics.

Correction - they need a computer to decipher what not-so-smart women are saying.

When a woman doesn't want her guy to go get shit faced and blow money at the casino the correct reply is... "Well, alright, you can do that, or we can just fuck for two hours. Your call." Then flash him. He won't go nowhere.

[Saint John]

Who gives a shit. They need a computer program to decipher what the fuck women are saying. They never say what they mean. Example: Man- "Hey, I wanna go out and get shit faced with the guys, hit a few bars and maybe blow a few dollars at the casino." Woman- "Fine, if that's what you want to do go ahead." Man- "And it's okay with you?" Woman- "Yeah, sure, go ahead...I'll just sit here by myself." Man- "Bye!!!" Then of course a few hours later you have to put up with crying, screaming and the usual theatrics/histrionics.

Correction - they need a computer to decipher what not-so-smart women are saying.

When a woman doesn't want her guy to go get shit faced and blow money at the casino the correct reply is... "Well, alright, you can do that, or we can just fuck for two hours. Your call." Then flash him. He won't go nowhere.

2 minutes and I'd stay. 2 hours? See ya!!!

[Moon Beam]

I think it's a pretty cool, who hasn't wondered what dogs are thinking?

Saint John you better ease up fella, gonna have a pack-oh-bitches
barking at ya with cracks like that last one about a dogs intelligence
being greater than a woman's.

[Natalie]

2 minutes and I'd stay. 2 hours? See ya!!!

You know, they have a pill for that!

[Saint John]

2 minutes and I'd stay. 2 hours? See ya!!!

You know, they have a pill for that!

Yeah, it's called cyanide.

[Moon Beam]

Dammit now he's got me all flustered......

[bluejeangirl76]

2 minutes and I'd stay. 2 hours? See ya!!!

2 minutes? Hardly worth it. I'd just let him go and do it myself.

[Saint John]

We should record HOTS barking and send it in for translation.

[Natalie]

2 minutes and I'd stay. 2 hours? See ya!!!

You know, they have a pill for that!

Yeah, it's called cyanide.

Well no, but it is blue!!!

[jrnychick]

With my own dogs, it's pretty easy to tell what each bark means. One of my least favorite is the "Look mom! I caught a possum!" bark.

When it comes to my husband, he knows that when I say "do whatever you want," it means "do not do that under any circumstances."

[*Laura]

2 minutes and I'd stay. 2 hours? See ya!!!

You know, they have a pill for that!

Yeah, it's called cyanide.

LOL!! !!!!!!!!!!I was going to join the "pack-oh-bitches" ( Ger) and bark at Dan,but all that I can do is laugh out loud!


Geezus,these Greeks ...

[TRAGChick]

Meh..."The Far Side" had this figured out a LONG time ago...:twisted:

[jrnyman28]

Who gives a shit. They need a computer program to decipher what the fuck women are saying. They never say what they mean. Example: Man- "Hey, I wanna go out and get shit faced with the guys, hit a few bars and maybe blow a few dollars at the casino." Woman- "Fine, if that's what you want to do go ahead." Man- "And it's okay with you?" Woman- "Yeah, sure, go ahead...I'll just sit here by myself." Man- "Bye!!!" Then of course a few hours later you have to put up with crying, screaming and the usual theatrics/histrionics. Dogs are much smarter than women so it shouldn't be to hard to make the program I'm requesting.

Bad weekend SJ??

[jrnyman28]

With my own dogs, it's pretty easy to tell what each bark means. One of my least favorite is the "Look mom! I caught a possum!" bark.

When it comes to my husband, he knows that when I say "do whatever you want," it means "do not do that under any circumstances."

And who says men can't be smart?

[TRAGChick]

Who gives a shit. They need a computer program to decipher what the fuck women are saying. They never say what they mean. Example: Man- "Hey, I wanna go out and get shit faced with the guys, hit a few bars and maybe blow a few dollars at the casino." Woman- "Fine, if that's what you want to do go ahead." Man- "And it's okay with you?" Woman- "Yeah, sure, go ahead...I'll just sit here by myself." Man- "Bye!!!" Then of course a few hours later you have to put up with crying, screaming and the usual theatrics/histrionics. Dogs are much smarter than women so it shouldn't be to hard to make the program I'm requesting.

[larryfromnextdoor]

Brian Regan
this guy is really funny!! this is the audio to a dog routine.. not sure what the video is supposed to be.. give a listen..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5hddj-qKYw

[Rhiannon]

Who gives a shit. They need a computer program to decipher what the fuck women are saying. They never say what they mean. Example: Man- "Hey, I wanna go out and get shit faced with the guys, hit a few bars and maybe blow a few dollars at the casino." Woman- "Fine, if that's what you want to do go ahead." Man- "And it's okay with you?" Woman- "Yeah, sure, go ahead...I'll just sit here by myself." Man- "Bye!!!" Then of course a few hours later you have to put up with crying, screaming and the usual theatrics/histrionics.

Correction - they need a computer to decipher what not-so-smart women are saying.

Sounds to me like he's referring to a Bitch Translator, and I thought that was the topic being discussed.

[Arkansas]

Who gives a shit. They need a computer program to decipher what the fuck women are saying. They never say what they mean. Example: Man- "Hey, I wanna go out and get shit faced with the guys, hit a few bars and maybe blow a few dollars at the casino." Woman- "Fine, if that's what you want to do go ahead." Man- "And it's okay with you?" Woman- "Yeah, sure, go ahead...I'll just sit here by myself." Man- "Bye!!!" Then of course a few hours later you have to put up with crying, screaming and the usual theatrics/histrionics. Dogs are much smarter than women so it shouldn't be to hard to make the program I'm requesting.

HER DIARY:

Tonight: I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to have a quiet, intimate dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY:

Missed breaking even par today by one lousy three-putt on the 18th hole, but at least I got lucky tonight.

[larryfromnextdoor]

now he's got me all flustered......

why women live longer than men...

[Blueskies]

[Rick]

I'm thinking that party didn't end without incident.

[Saint John]

now he's got me all flustered......

why women live longer than men...

Why?????

[Arkansas]

Says it all...





p.s. Sorry for all the hijacking.

[RossValoryRocks]

I'm a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac...I say up all night wondering if there really is a doG.

[Lady Luck]

why women live longer than men...

[strangegrey]

PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN:
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.
8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs..
1:00 Shopping with friends.
3:00 Nap.
4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.
4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage
5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
10:00 Hot shower. Alone.
10:30 Make love.
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.


PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN:
6:00 Alarm.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.
7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
7:30 Limo arrives.
7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.
8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.
11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens.
12:15 Blowjob.
12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.
2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis.
2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.
3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.
4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs.
5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel.
7:00 Watch CNN Newsflash. Bush resigns in scandal. Led out of the White House in handcuffs.
7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 29 Oz. Porterhouse Steak.
9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.
10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
11:45 Go to bed.
11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.
11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.

[CatEyes]

PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN:
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.
8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs..
1:00 Shopping with friends.
3:00 Nap.
4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.
4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage
5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
10:00 Hot shower. Alone.
10:30 Make love.
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.


PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN:
6:00 Alarm.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.
7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
7:30 Limo arrives.
7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.
8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.
11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens.
12:15 Blowjob.
12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.
2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis.
2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.
3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.
4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs.
5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel.
7:00 Watch CNN Newsflash. Bush resigns in scandal. Led out of the White House in handcuffs.
7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 29 Oz. Porterhouse Steak.
9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.
10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
11:45 Go to bed.
11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.
11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.

awwww Frank!!

You're such a romantic,

**note to self: Call Vatican. Nominate Frank's wife for sainthood!!**

Cat