Now this one is beyond the pale, but I'll start with a little back story.
I love the company I work for, but I've always gotten frustrated with the brass's sluggishness at getting rid of dead weight. Typically, what will happen is they will go for months or even a few years griping heavily about someone that wasn't cutting it, but always backing off when it comes to letting them go. We've had a few a-holes who have really taken advantage of the opportunity they were given with us, and stayed wayyyyyy past their welcome. Last guy to go was a younger, overweight kid who literally wore the same clothes to work every day, and you could tell he was coming from a room away. Finally they gave him an ultimatum -- do his laundry regularly or find another place of employment... he chose the latter a few days later, and we could all breathe much easier.
Among the riff raff have been a few people with obvious alcohol problems... the first was an older guy, probably in his early 50's, who just had so many certifications we really thought he could be of use. But there was a big red flag on his resume -- for each of the tons of reputable companies he worked for, he never seemed to be in any one place more than a year. When asked, he said something to indicate he'd been laid off -- never anything that he was personally responsible for. He lasted with us a year, too, then sucked us out of all the unemployment he could get when he was let go. It was really a pattern, and he'd apparently been working the system for quite some time. And I should mention he was a HORRIBLE person to work with -- very negative, hated any kind of authority, and hated women with a passion... Good Lord, the things that guy would say, but the cherry on top of the sundae was the day he asked if I thought the boss would mind if he stored some pre-mixed strawberry daiquiris in our fridge, because "he liked to drink a few on the way home each day" (about a 30 minute drive in heavy traffic).
Geez, if we'd only checked his references...
Yeah, we've had a few... there was also this goofball of a guy that really overinflated his qualifications, but was a total jack-ass when he came to work for us as a "Director of Marketing". He left in a very interesting way -- he used to brag all the time about how hot his fiance was, and you could tell he was rather, umm.... possessive of her. Then one day he's going around tooting the horn that she's coming up to the office, and she gets there, and.... I USED TO DATE HER!!! Hadn't seen her in over 10 years, for sure, and yeah, she was hot! She immediately came over once we recognized each other and we got into a long conversation. I think he got the picture about our history, and left of his own accord (and in his old Accord... haha) a few days later.
So shoot forward to the future. We honestly have the best team now than we've ever had, but there is still the occasional chink in the armor from time to time. Biggest one (and no, don't ask if he's Chinese... he's American... LOL) is also one of the longest-running employees there -- I've been there 14 years, and this guy, probably 11 or 12. But he's a raging, unrepentant alcoholic... Probably trashed every night, and has a lifetime of mistakes and bad judgment calls to show for it. Look, I like the guy, and we normally get along ok, but you have to know how to handle him -- he's rather emotionally immature, very quick to get offended (and will blow up at ya pretty quick if he thinks you have done so), and also the type that interrupts each of your sentences about 3-4 words in. Usually comes in a bit late with heavy bags around his eyes... LOL! Well, at one point, during a painful divorce (God bless him), he started no-showing to work, and not calling his clients. He'd been staying out all night each night partying and getting trashed beyond belief, and not even waking up in time to call in. So, he was finally given an ultimatum -- seek help or leave. He did actually attend one AA meeting, I believe, but when he found out he actually had to give up drinking, he never went back... And he's managed to eek by ever since...
So here I am, sitting in a theater with a few of my co-workers about to watch Iron Man (HELL YES!!!) and one of them mentions something about this guy having totalled 2 cars in the last year. I knew nothing of this, so I asked, and they were both like, "You DIDN'T know?!?" So I say no, not at all, and they proceed to tell me about it. So I ask, "What's he driving, then?", and they say NOTHING -- since last October!!! He got his 2nd DWI when he totaled this last car, and they would not give him a work permit to drive for work-related jobs. And then they proceed to tell me that people from work, mainly our two office girls, have been taking turns ferrying his ass from job site to job site... I was freaking STUNNED, as were they when they found out I had absolutely no clue about this, and hadn't been part of the team caravan effort to keep this guy afloat -- and it ain't a big office. I guess it's been kept kinda on the down-low, but still.... I was just freaking incredulous to learn this. And apparently, he thinks it's kinda funny -- makes jokes about it and stuff. He's due to get his license back toward the end of this year.
What our company needs is an ax-man who'd not afraid to drop the guillotine when called for -- I nominate Alec Baldwin's character from Glengarry Glen Ross...
And that's a wrap for this episode of.... A-HOLE PATROL!!!
See you next time...
