I just think these are funny and here is a new batch I got in email today. I'm too lazy to clean it up
You've been waiting for them, so without further ado, here are the 2008 Darwin awards:
Eighth Place
> In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
> water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
> to retrieve his car keys.
>
> Seventh Place
> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
> ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
>
> Sixth Place
> While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
> protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
> bottom when it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People
> on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but
> could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
> almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
> Fifth Place
> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
> bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
> flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
> into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
>
> Fourth Place
> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
> who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
> mouth and pull the trigger.
>
> Third Place
> After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
> door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
> store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
> standing at the counter.
> Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-
> up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a
> clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their
> guns and fired.
> Paramedics pronounced the robber dead at the scene. Crime scene
> investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
> subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
> rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
>
> HONORABLE MENTION
> Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around
> at
> 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window
> to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window
> was closed.
>
> RUNNER UP
> Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
> said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in
> the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
> 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.
> Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that
> no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
> volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near
> by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other
> to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and
> tore his foot off at the ankle.. He miraculously survived his fall
> into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
>
> Bingham's foot was never located.
>
> AND THE WINNER IS...
> Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated
> elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
> berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got
relief.
> Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
> ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
> The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
> Riesfeldt
> to
> the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant
> continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
>
> It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...
> 'Shit happens'.
>
> THEY WALK AMOUNG US.... IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE
> PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.
