StevePerryHair wrote:Ehwmatt wrote:StevePerryHair wrote:parfait wrote:Ehwmatt wrote:StevePerryHair wrote:Melissa wrote:StevePerryHair wrote:There are parents who object to it though. I just have to ask why???
Because they think it condones kids having sex
. We hear that at work. Funny thing is a lot of them are having it already, despite what their rose-colored-glasses-wearing parents wish to think, lol.
People are really naive. I have no problem with teaching abstinence as an option. I mean that is what I am preaching to my kids while they are young teens. But that doesn't mean they will do what I think they should, and I still believe they need to learn everything. Including the scary things, because they DO exist and they are happening. There are kids who aren't having intercourse but are doing everything else, and have the assumption that since they can't get pregnant, it's okay. Im glad the school teaches them ALL the ways they can catch the diseases. I think a lot of parents are naive on that too though.
Honestly, nothing the school does or doesn't do is gonna affect a kid's conduct. It starts and ends with the parents, as it should.
My parents were very cool with me, never tried to dig into my life at that age for the most part, just encouraged me to be responsible in general etc. I never even had "the talk" with my parents. But my parents were interested in my life in the right way (eg they cared about what was going on, weren't too wrapped up in work or too negligent to care or never in the house when I had girls over) and respected my autonomy. They wouldn't come down the basement and "check" on me if I had a girl over or shit like that. Out of that mutual respect, I always made sure if we were gonna go "watch a movie" down there (
) that they would get to meet the girl first and get to know her past a handshake. The respect and leeway they gave me made me police myself and make good decisions - I didn't run around fucking a buncha girls in HS even though I woulda liked to as every 16-year-old would. I respected myself a lot more because my parents cared about me making good choices, but gave me the respect I needed to figure out for myself that wasn't what I wanted to do. I know it's a tough line to tread for parents and it doesn't work with every kid, but IMO I think it's great to shoot for that area of hands-off respect but also communication of expectations.
Too much policing and the kid's bound to go the other way, but by the same token, absentee parents and the kid is also bound to do riskier and dumber shit at that age. I saw both ends of the spectrum among my high school friends. Kids definitely don't give a shit what school tells them, although it MAY be able to scare them a bit.
Sexual experimentation is natural, and should be encouraged by the parents. As long as the kid can make some sound decisions, like always using a condom, then I say go for it. Lust and need for sex is one of the few basic needs every man and woman got. It's when people (parents/school etc.) teaches kids to feel ashamed about having a sexual drive, and stigmatizes it, that it becomes a big problem.
I still to this day remember my first dirty sanchez.
I would never teach my kids to be ashamed of sex. That isn't what any of us were saying.
From a woman's perspective Lynn, what are you worried about more in the abstract : Your daughter or your son becoming sexually active. Aside from the risk of pregnancy, is it still your girl? If so, why. I think we know how most dads feel about that issue/choice.
For me it's both. As a mom, and as someone with a biology background, disease scares the crap out of me, and I worry for him too. I want him to be smart and protected also. I don't have a double standard when it comes to things like that. And yes, guys think different. My husband and I disagree on the fact that my 13 year old daughter wanted to "go out" with a boy in school. Not dating, just an "in schooL" thing. He said no way at first, and I argued with him. Why could my son have 2 girlfriends before he hit 16, with no consequence, but she was being told no? Just because she was being honest and open with us about it? My son never told us until "after" they broke up. I respect her honesty and am thrilled she talks to me and I want to keep communication going as much as I can. He did give in with certain ground rules, and she told me today, after one week, she doesn't like the boy anymore and has to find a way to break up with him
JUST as I predicted would happen
Kudos to you - the open part is very important I think.
Moms do have an analogous tendency to the hardass dad/daughter's boyfriend dynamic - I think they are pretty damn discerning when it comes to the girls their son is dating. My mom would never overstep and tell me point blank, but if I asked she would tell me if she didn't like a girlfriend. And I can certainly still tell, even though she doesn't do anything overt or rude
My middle sister has been dating the same kid for a long time now and he's really a great kid, so there's never been any problem there.
My little sister who's headin off to school next year just started dating this kid who seems like a nice kid, but she never lets us be around him long enough to get any impression of him
I'm not at their house much, but sometimes on the weekends I'll be over and the kid will come over and she WHISKS him down the basement. I don't think my dad appreciates that, and he's not one to do the hardass dad routine, either. I don't think it's the kid's fault, I think my sister is uncomfortable having us see the dynamic between them. She's a goofball and has some growing up to do.
